Fighting my demons!

Angry wolfThere are few things which can make your life beautiful and happy! There are way more things which could make your life miserable. At some point, not so far back in time, I was feeling miserable and for couple of days I wanted to identify what exactly makes me to feel this way.

So I started to think... and think... And after a while I kinda figured out all or almost all things which were making me miserable (I still have to work on this, but yeah... what the hell).

Identifying the problems is a big thing. Perhaps more than half of the problem is solved.

At some point the ego took over and when it is in control, (in the beginning) you feel great, but as the time passes you will accumulate expectations and frustrations. And this is a very tragic moment. Apparently nothing and no one pleases you. One way to get in control again you have to write yourself a letter. Cicero once said, "Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself". I try to separate myself from my ego and give myself a pep talk when I am staying in bed waiting for sleep to come.

I like to think about myself as an experienced, learned, insightful and also an hard worker. But sometimes it seems that I am mixing personal and professional lives. Leaving job related problems in the office was another big problem. My professional problems became my personal problems, which in the end affected my personal life. All these problems were the ideal food for my ego. I was a mess, both at home and office.

Blaming someone else for you own mistakes. At some point I realized I was blaming everyone else but me. Now, imagine me causing a major fuck up at work and blaming God. Another good example is when I got wasted one night, but that definitely wasn't my fault - it was that guy's fault 'cause it forced me to go to the pub... I mean, really?! What the hell was wrong with me?

Being rigid and stubborn doesn't help (also known as "let it go"). This one here, my friends, was the toughest one for me. Imagine your 3 years old daughter doesn't tell you back "Good night". Maybe she had a bad day at the kindergarten or whatever. I guess you can live with that. But what if this happens three or four days in a row? Or more? I don't know about you, but when this happened to me I started to be rigid and stubborn and I put a lot of pressure to make her kiss me and tell me "Good night" as well. It was wrong because she felt the pressure and she didn't do it from her heart but just to please me. After dropping this stupid thing, both of us started to feel better.

How are we today? Way better, but still a lot to improve.

  1. An old Cherokee told his grandson:
    "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is danger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies&ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy&truth."
    The boy thought about it and asked:
    "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"
    The old man quietly replied:
    "The one you feed!"

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